Hey man. I'm back, never did post anything.
So yesterday was the last I would hear of Sam. I definitely would miss him, but I don't think he would ever understand me again. It's so bad that he had to go like this. This is so saddening! It's really letting go of what i once treasured most. I am not very sure if hurt him. Definitely there will be hurt because we didn't get it together. The feeling of lost, and he thought he was a material possession. That is so sad and pathetic. I never treated him as that! But I guess I wasn't even ready to give anything as it is. He couldn't even assure me that there was something about him that is should go for. I'm sure there is a guy that will be doing that. If we ever got together, it will definitely not work out because we're still young. I think if it was ever possible, it would be after he went into army and came out. He has a very nice personality, very innocent and pure. But yes, all has come down to this and yeah. God, have your way in me.
It was always so painful in the beginning. Like i cried when you decided to go. Bu no more Jesus, i just need to really focus on you. God told Sam not to do anything. I guess that's a way of telling me I'm not ready either. This friendship is so broken but i pray God that you'll restore this friendship! I know you can, and you will. I'll do whatever you want. But please Jesus, don't ruin this friendship because it's really dear to me. I just pray God that you'll help Sam to wise up, so do I. Tell him Jesus, RIGHT NOW. That he is worthy of someone liking. I know sometimes people feel inferior but like, we're all humans aren't we. No matter how blessed I am. I believe you'll bless him in all other ways as well. I pray God that there will be a time of uplifting for him. Help him to heal as fast as possible and help him to move out of this misery as quick as possible. This is so bad, why must this happen. God it's so so so bad and saddening. My heart aches and cries out to you but I know you'll mend it somehow with your blood. I put all my trust in you. I will come back stringer and more determined to keep friendships together! I pray God that you'll guide him within this 2 months till we all meet again. Strangers or not, that is up to us to decide already. I pray from then on we will be close because there was a time for us to pour out our most inner thoughts. How could i only see the big picture now. God I'm dearly sorry for not letting go earlier. I know you have an awesome plan for us so I am just gonna trust in you all the way. Because I have already been pushed out of my comfort zone to feel anything. I don't know what i should do or go through anymore, I am just very thankful it ended earlier for Sam. He's a really good kid. I'll promise now that for the next 2 months at least, I will never fail to pray for him. I really honestly pray God that you will help him Lord, in his distress and pain,, To know that You are the Rock that he can lean on at this period of time, God I know you;ll help him so so so much. Please help him God. It'll be so painful without you. I am thankful for you in our lives. Let him blame me all He wants or let him think that is it me who caused this crap to happen, But I pray God that he will not put himself down anymore. I pray that God, you let him see what a precious gem Sam is in your eyes. He is so precious and loved in your embrace. I know you'll be there for him, right Jesus and Holy spirit? I know you'll be there and here for us at the same time ministering to us. I know you're mighty hands will dawn upon us and let us walk out of this darkness into the bright light and shine so brightly like never before. Feelings is another game that we have to deal with at this point of time. I just ask Lord that You let feelings become neutral within us and let us re build this friendship on trust. Let him think what he wants, but let him feel that i really love him as a brother and a friend. I can;t wait for this 2 months to pass, knowing that all this will come to nothing for you are God that is above all our situations. I know I'll be okay with you with me! But Sam needs a lot from you. I pray you'll not stop your blessings from pouring put to him. POUR JESUS POUR. Fill him with so much love that he chooses to give up everything and start to love you. I want to believe that this will be a good experience for him to want to know you more, and to thirst for you only. I pray you will reveal yourself more clearly to him, to show him your presence so tangible in his life right now. Sam would never be the same again, and i know it's because he has changed for the better. I want to believe and be thankful that I was part of this change. I know God, you will reign in our lives and we praise you in every situation possible. Amen
To my dearest Sam Hoo.
I'm so sorry if i cause you immense hurt. I promise that you were never here and held on because i felt sorry for letting you go. You are too precious to be treated that way. I am so sorry I couldn't give my all in this. I was just feeding on your feelings, hoping that I would gain some by you assuring me. You're really up there and I am down below you know that? But i will never get a chance to tell you. But you're so so dear to me :( I am still very thankful you opened my eyes to many things in the world. I am feeling so regretful that I chose to let you go I LIKE YOU SAM. But i couldn't say it. It's so hard. But sometimes, I think liking is about letting go also. That's what they call love actually. But its so flawed in many sense. I might even love you Sam. Goodness. But this is it la, since I couldn't say anything. I think I would be pushing you to the limit if I made you go further by making me feel assure. I'm sure there would be another girl in your life that would suit you like you are. But don't hide your inner self anymore ok? Doesn't help if you appear happy like always! I guess that you'll open up one day to i have no idea who but i know you can =) I have so much faith and trust in you still. So i know like, our friendship will not be broken of this. It has eroded a lot, but i know there will still be a friendship there. I know so and I believe Jesus will keep it together! God knows how much we treasure so don't worry ok? I love you, Sam. Stay strong always and in God, you're loved Always~~
