And so the journey begins.
Well, today has been a long long day i must say. we talked and didn't really sort it out. so i asked for a period of stay off. and you say, "let me give you a month's time".
I was like, "HUH A MONTH". (although i kind of expected it)
Thinking about it makes me feel sick. I don't really know how am I going to survive this month without you. but i guess this is what i meant i must learn it the hard way.
But throughout this one month, i really want to see myself mature. If its not for me, for you at least. I haven't been able to do anything of significance for you. So i hope this change would bring some peace to you.
Still, i feel utmost insecure right now. Like when you're with me, i know you will never go away from me. But now i have let you go, there so much out there that is going to pull you away.
Good or bad, time will tell. I just hope at the end of all this, we'll come to realize our importance to each other. A REAL TEST.
Well, for me at least. Because i never lost to see the true pain of having to lose, but i hope this will really teach me a lesson.
So many months have passed and we have gone through so much. The first of everything. And now, we're approaching our third, but sadly, we can't spend it together. But i hope this sacrifice meant there will be many more to come and not the last one to pass.
The journey has not even started and I'm thinking how am I going to actually survive! Goodness. Memories of us flash past and i can only see your pictures to see you. So pathetic, but then again. This is what i asked for.
I keep thinking and thinking. What must i do exactly to change. To be honest, i haven't come to a conclusion. But i believe i will soon.
I have come up with a list of what i want to do. I hope to fulfill it by the time we reconcile again. In the meantime, don't forget me k? Think of me when you have time, because i will too! I know how much this hurts you, but hang on k? Sorry to hurt you in this process, but i really hope this will not be in vain.
I pray you see my sincerity in it and i believe God will be with us, individually through this process. Hard as it may be, i see a fruitful outcome. But i think as young as i may be, i may not know a lot of things, but i should not use it as an excuse to shun away from my mistakes.
So much i want to say, so let me say it day by day. But what i want to say now is,
You showed me love know no boundaries. Now, its my turn. :)
DEDICATED TO JEFFREY TOONG.
Hey. You know who here :)
Mmmm, i hope you're doing fine? There so much i want to say. But i don't really know how to say it. But all i know is i feel remorse for what I've done. I really do. This time its really me. But i guess we have to learn huh? Although i hoped we didn't have to come to this stage, here we are. Back to the start.
But being with you has always been a joy to me. Good times and bad times. We cried many times, but we smiled our way through always too. 'Life's a journey' right? But being with you taught me a lot. you taught me how to love, to give and to forgive. To open up and to be honest. To be real. But most of all, to cherish my family as it is.
I know you've been through a lot and losing someone you really love makes you regret not treasuring enough. But it's not too late to show love, and that's why you are showing love to your family. Sometimes, you say a lot to me, but i don't really know how to help you. All i can really do is to lend you a listening ear. I don't know why you must go through this at such a young age but i believe there's a reason for everything. you may or may never know the reason why, but i ask that you press on. For your family and yourself. The stress you explain to me is so overwhelming that i can only tear when i see you tear. Not solely because i sympathize with you, but because i knew if i were you. I wouldn't want to go on. And that's why i admire you. So i hope you can continue to be my pillar of hope for life's obstacles because i know i haven't experienced the worst.
But i have gone through a lot too, don't you think? I've grown to be more like you i guess. I feel i teared a lot this two weeks till my eyes are puffy and all. Sometimes i feel I'm not known to you, that i take in a lot. But i don't want to compare with what you go through. Now i know blaming you won't work. Because blaming you, blames me in the end as you do what you do because of me. And then, the cycle repeats itself. But hey, who said this is wrong or right.
But bottom line of this message is to say, how much i treasure you. Maybe you want me to see you as a boyfriend. But i think that is just a status that all humans chase. I mean who won't want to be a someone. But i acknowledge that because pride right. But to me, you're more of a feeling. One that i want to hold on, hoping it will never fade. Well, because it brings me happiness. But i don't want to deny you, because well. You ARE MY BOY right? So let's see how this goes and I'm hoping against hope to see you at the end of this Journey k?
Last but not least, i want to say THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. Being there, accepting me, tolerating me and Loving me. Hope i haven't cause too much hurt for you to leave me. Stay strong for me OK? I'll come back for you :)
P.S: All The Best for MT A'LVLS!
LOVE,
BABY ONG :)
